I Can't
by Miko Akako
Summary: It should have been simple. None of their readouts had indicated a fault line running through the area. Jim/Spock Read the warnings inside.


**Story: **I Can't  
><strong>Author:<strong> MikoAkako  
><strong>Beta: <strong>None  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG-13  
><strong>Warnings: <strong>Severe injuries, character deaths  
><strong>PairingCharacter: **Jim/Spock, McCoy  
><strong>Word count:<strong> 3,187  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own anything you recognize.  
><strong>Summary: <strong>_It should have been simple. None of their readings had revealed a fault line running through the area...  
><em>

* * *

><p>It should have been simple. They were to explore the area, report back any unusual findings, and then wait for their next mission. None of their readings showed a fault line running through the area. There had been no indications of seismic activity in the last hundred years. They were only half a mile in to the cliff face when the ground started seizing. Jim launched himself toward someone – he couldn't see who in the dust and rock filled air – but slammed into a wall of rock. His last thought before passing out was of Spock.<p>

When Jim woke, he was instantly aware of his surroundings. He pushed himself up, coughing to clear the dust from his lungs. When he could see, he sat up taller, trying to determine what injuries he had. His left leg had a familiar ache and he knew something was broken. He had a scrape on his left side that looked and felt superficial. Reaching a hand up to his head revealed no blood, but a tender spot that he was sure would leave a lump. He stood slowly, easing weight onto his injured leg. He hissed in pain and leaned against the wall for support. Bones would ream him out later, but he could walk.

"R…report!" Jim tried not to sound worried, but the lingering dust in the air made him stutter. He repeated himself several more times and no one answered. He scanned around him, but nothing was moving. There was no sight of any of the five other crew members who had beamed down with him.

"Spock?" He called instead, reaching for their bond and finding it blocked but still there. Unconsciously, he relaxed slightly. Spock was still alive. Everything would be okay if he could just fine his bondmate.

"Captain." There was no mistaking Spock's voice, even when it was barely above a whisper. Jim hurried in the direction of the sound, panic rising in his throat. He ignored the pain in his leg and side and crawled over boulders until he came face to face with Spock. The Vulcan was pinned under several hundred pounds of rock; far more than a human could withstand and live. Jim wasn't an expert on Vulcan physiology, but he was fairly certain the weight was pushing the limits.

"Can you get out?" Jim asked, trying to remember the damn protocol for something like this. He should assess the situation, determine if survival was likely, and either help or move on. As soon as he saw Spock he knew that once freed from the rubble, he would need immediate medical care if he wanted any hope to live. In that case, Jim should move on; try to find any other survivors. There was no way he would leave his bondmate there, Starfleet instructions or not.

"Protocol requires you to…" Leave it to Spock to remind him of the rules. Jim cut him off before he could finish his sentence.

"Shut up, Spock. No one else responded. I…I think they were under the fault." He closed his eyes, trying to bite back the bile and panic that threatened just at the edge of his vision. "If I remove the rock, will you be able to get out of here?"

"I will ensure your safe return to the ship, Captain." Spock said, obviously in pain though it was evident in his voice only at the very end of the sentence.

"I love you." Jim said, touching Spock's cheek gently. He shook his head and closed his eyes. They would survive this. Jim would get Spock out and they would survive this. Bones would fix them up, and they would continue just as they had for the past six years.

"And I you, t'hy'la." Spock said, wincing. "I will help you as much as I am able." Jim nodded, tearing his eyes away from Spock and trying to determine where to begin digging. Spock's midsection was crushed, and presumably his arms were pinned under as well. One of his legs was free, but the other vanished under the rubble. Green blood flowed from where his head hit the floor, and another gash above his left eye was likely caused by a smaller rock during the quake.

"Ready?" Jim braced himself, not waiting to hear Spock's reply. He threw himself into the work, straining against the weight of the debris. "Sure could do with Vulcan strength right now." He said through gritted teeth. Finally, he felt the rock shift slightly and he redoubled his efforts. "Almost there, Spock. Hang in there." With a rumble, the boulder rolled away.

He took a break, panting from the exertion. It was easier to get rid of the smaller ones – though most still weighed upwards of twenty five kilos. When Spock's body was clear of the rubble, Jim allowed himself to rest, unable to look at the damage to his bondmate.

"We must…hurry." Spock said, pushing himself up. Jim glanced back at him, hands wringing at his heart. He wasn't a doctor, but even he knew Spock shouldn't be breathing. The uniform had been torn, and so had the skin underneath. What skin there still was had turned a sickly green-blue. Spock cradled his right arm against his bloody chest, the wrist twisted at an unnatural angle that made Jim's stomach twist.

"Tell me what's wrong, Spock." Jim said, hoping the visual assessment was wrong. Maybe it was all superficial. Maybe there was still a chance.

"I do not understand, Captain." Spock said. His body lurched with each word but he kept his tone as neutral as possible.

"Your…your physical injuries, Commander." Jim said. "Tell me."

"I appear to have several broken ribs. My right wrist is broken, and the bones in my right hand are shattered. I believe my right shoulder is also dislocated. I have multiple abrasions of varying depth and severity. And, though I cannot be sure, I am fairly certain my left ankle is broken." He spoke as if delivering a report and not a death sentence. "Also, the chance of internal injuries is great."

"Okay." Jim said, trying to breath.

"Do you understand, Captain?" Spock asked, using his left arm to push himself up. He swayed and Jim stood quickly, hovering over him but afraid to touch him for fear of causing him pain.

"Yes." Jim said. He understood what Spock told him. He understood that even for a Vulcan the injuries were severe. He understood that his first thought was right – Spock shouldn't be breathing.

"We must move, Captain." Spock said, seemingly unfazed by his situation. "If we can get clear, Scotty will be able to lock on to us and beam us up." Jim numbly followed Spock, wincing every time the normally graceful Vulcan stumbled or had to stop. He reached for their bond, only to find it so faint he almost missed it.

"What's wrong with our bond?" Jim asked, panicked. He felt like he was trying to hold water as he felt for the bond. It kept slipping away from him.

"I was unaware there was anything wrong." Spock said. Jim felt him reach for his own end before answering again. "It is not logical for both of us to be in pain. I have simply constructed a shield to prevent my pain from echoing to you." He was lying. Jim didn't need their bond to know that.

"Please, don't shut me out. Not now." He put a hand on Spock's left shoulder, barely touching. Even with physical contact he felt nothing from Spock. He frowned and pressed his hand so the whole thing was in contact with Spock's skin. The Vulcan was cold, several degrees colder than Jim himself when he should have been several warmer. And, even more worryingly, there was nothing from Spock's mind coming through.

"Jim." Spock pulled away, continuing with determination. "We do not have the time." They reached the wall of rocks that separated them from the cave entrance. Spock, using his good arm, started clearing a path. Jim helped as he could, but he simply wasn't as strong as the Vulcan. In the end, he was reduced to watching as Spock tore his remaining hand to tatters, the sharp surfaces of the rocks cutting into his skin and leaving green traces behind.

"You're not going to make it, are you?" Jim asked softly. Their bond was becoming ever more transparent, and it felt like part of Jim was being ripped out. "Talk to me, Spock!"

"I must ensure you reach safety, Captain." Spock said, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

"Damn it, Spock!" Jim shouted, picking up a rock and throwing it in the opposite direction. "Let me help, at least."

"You would not be able to clear a path as quickly as I can." Spock said, ending his speech in a wet cough. Unable to watch any more, Jim pushed his way between Spock and the wall, looking up at his bondmate. Spock's eyes were empty, a steady trickle of blood escaping his lips. "I must ensure your safety."

Jim, numb, walked away. He watched Spock's single-minded determination to clear a path for what felt like hours. Finally, a beam of light shone in, and Jim could hear voices on the other side. Spock didn't stop, and Jim put his own hand over Spock's.

"We're here." He called. The voices called back, and soon they were working away at their side, clearing quickly with tools. "I couldn't locate Ensigns Turner, Korbin or Partridge. Lieutenant Gatsby also failed to respond. And Commander Spock…Have McCoy ready." He heard someone relay the instructions back up to the ship and turned to see Spock slump against the wall. He rushed over, cradling his lover's body as they fell to the ground together.

"You have to be okay, Spock." He ran his fingers through the black hair, matted with green blood. "You can't leave me alone. I…I need you to be okay." The tears he had been holding back came to the surface as he rocked Spock's body. There was no answer from the Vulcan in his arms. There was a pulse, thready and so shallow Jim wasn't entirely certain he wasn't feeling because he needed to so desperately.

Suddenly, pain wiped out all other thoughts as their bond suddenly reformed, sans barriers. Jim felt every ache in Spock's body as if it was his own. Hand shattered, ribs broken, one punctured a lung, unable to breathe though the fluid. His whole body was on fire and he screamed for release.

"Spock?" Jim reached out a hand, expecting to find his bondmate lying beside him on the bed. When he opened his eyes, he realized he was on the ship, but not in his quarters. Bones was sitting in a chair beside him, looking exhausted. The events of the day – was it the same day? – came back to him clearly. "Bones. Where's Spock?"

"Listen, Jim." Leonard said. Jim pushed the covers up, feet hitting the floor but before he could move his friend pushed him back into the bed. "I swear to God I'll sedate you if you don't stay in bed. You broke your left fibula. It was a clean break so I set it and regenerated the bones but you shouldn't strain it for a few days. And Spock…I'm so sorry kid. But…"

"No." Jim couldn't breathe. The room contracted and he felt the world spin. "Please tell me he's okay, Bones."

"He should have died as soon as the boulders landed on him." Leonard said. "Most of his organs burst under the weight. Half his ribs were broken, and the ones that weren't broken were cracked. And that's not even talking about the rest of the bones that were shattered."

"He told me all that." Jim said, fighting for air. Bones stuck him with a hypo and for once he didn't fight. His breathing evened out, but he still couldn't move. "Please, Bones."

"I'm sorry, Jim." Leonard said. "He's alive for now, but only because his bond with you is sustaining him. You need…you need to let him go." Jim hadn't been aware of how tightly he was holding the bond. He was using it as a lifeline to keep from going under again. He didn't know if he would be able to sever it, and if he did, he doubted he would survive.

"Can I see him?" Jim asked. "I just need to see him again."

"He's in bad shape," Bones warned. "He's talking, but…the physical damage is extensive." Knowing better than to argue, the doctor led the way, letting Jim lean on him for support. The walk seemed to take forever; Jim had to stop several times when his newly healed leg threatened to give out on him. Thankfully no one else was in sickbay, save a nurse filling out paperwork at a desk but she didn't turn around at the sound of Jim's limping.

Spock was in a private room but the door was open. Jim tightened his hold on their bond while he looked at his broken bondmate. The monitors beeped menacingly above the bed. At their entrance, Spock's eyes opened and Jim closed the distance quickly, ignoring his own pain.

"How are you?" Jim asked. Several layers of blankets obscured Spock's body from sight. Jim sat in the chair beside the bed, wishing he wasn't so afraid of hurting Spock.

"You are safe, so I am well." Spock answered. "I assume the doctor has informed you of my…situation."

"But you're talking. You're…you're alive, aren't you?"

"Only because of you, Jim." Jim wasn't aware of McCoy leaving the room, but the door clicked shut and he knew they were alone. "You must break our bond."

"I can't, Spock." Jim said. "You're awake! You…you're here. Bones will save you. We'll go to New Vulcan and get them to fix you. You can't die." He looked at Spock, who was propped up against the bed, and knew that nothing could fix him. He had heard Leonard's assessment, and Spock's own while they were in the cave. Even with all the advances in the past hundred years, nothing could repair that much internal damage.

"Jim." Spock said, wincing as he reached out to his bondmate. "I am in pain. Even if Bones performed the necessary surgeries, there is no chance I could survive the recovery. You are holding me in a type of stasis now. In order to heal, you would need to let go anyhow. So please, break the bond, t'hy'la. Because you love me, break the bond."

"I can't," Jim said. "I can't live without you." It was selfish and immature to keep Spock alive because he didn't want to be alone. He knew that. But that didn't make it any easier. He could see the pain in Spock's eyes, feel it echo along their bond. There truly was no other option in this scenario.

"How?" He wasn't a telepath. He had a basic understanding of their bond, but he'd never been able to manipulate it. He was only just learning how to shield and it had been almost five years since they bonded.

"I'll show you." Spock said, moving over slightly though Jim saw him wince. Gingerly, Jim slid onto the bed, resting his head on Spock's left shoulder and closing his eyes. Awkwardly – Spock preferred his right hand – the Vulcan lifted his left hand and pressed three fingers on Jim's face, submerging them in a meld. Even after all that time, Jim had never become accustomed to how beautiful Spock's mind was. It was inconceivable that this was the last time he would see it.

They stood in the bridge of the Enterprise, alone as they never were in life. Jim, as usual, sat in the Captain's chair. Spock, though, was a young child crying in the Science corner. Or, one Spock was. Another Spock stood behind Jim, one hand on his shoulder. Jim looked up at him and then at the child. No words were spoken, and he knew the child was the part of Spock that was in pain. With a thought, Jim was crouched beside the crying Vulcan child, cradling him against his chest.

"It's going to be okay." Jim said softly, aware older-Spock was watching him.

"It hurts." The child said. "Why does everything hurt?" He turned large oval eyes up to Jim, clinging to his waist. "Make it stop hurting." Jim glanced back at older-Spock who said nothing.

"You…you have to let go of me." Jim said softly. "I'll take away the pain. I promise." Little-Spock loosened his grip, calming his tears. Jim had never seen Spock as a child, but he knew what bullying his bondmate had gone through. Looking at the young Vulcan beside him, Jim was struck by a strong urge to hurt anyone who had hurt the Vulcan when he was young. He looked up at his own Spock.

They had talked about children. They had an appointment with a fertility specialist who thought she could fuse their DNA and use a host to mature the resulting zygote into a fetus. They'd even chosen names. T'Pau, after one of the few Vulcan's Spock had respected but who had been stuck on Vulcan when it had imploded, if it was a girl and George after Kirk's father if it was a boy. There would be no children now.

"It's time for you to leave," He said, taking little-Spock's hand and helping him stand. Together they walked to the lift that would take them down from the Bridge. Older-Spock met them there, falling into step. It was quick to get to the emergency shuttles. There was only one ready, sitting there waiting for its passengers.

"I can't do this," Jim said, meeting older-Spock's eye. He felt a tear slide down his cheek, burning a path. He wanted to run to Spock and hold on and never let go. It took all his strength not to do that, but to stay in place. He tightened his grip on Little Spock's hand briefly before letting it go. "I can't just let you go without a fight. This can't be a no win scenario."

"You are the most extraordinary man I have ever met." Spock said. "Friend. Brother. Lover. T'hy'la. But you will survive this. No regrets."

Jim stepped back; letting the two Spocks walk the rest of the way together. Right before they entered the shuttle, the younger Spock stopped and ran back, hugging Jim's midsection tightly. Jim wrapped his arms around the small Vulcan, watching his Spock and wishing he would come back too. Too quickly, the small arms pulled away.

"Thank you." The boy said, so soft it was almost a whisper. Jim hugged back, fighting back tears.

"You're welcome." Jim said, closing his eyes and wiping away a tear before it could fall. When both Spocks were in the shuttle, the older one turned around, lifting his hand and separating his fingers in a gesture Jim had seen so many times, but would not see again.

"Live long and prosper."

_I can't…_


End file.
